The Truth Hurts

im tired of pretending, if you want honestly .. here is it.

its sweet that you care, but i could careless

you say you see i future with me, i see you as my past

you miss me and think of me constantly

youre rarely ever on my mind, if at all

i honestly sit among friends and laugh about the foolishness you do

i suppose you can say i'm cruel and mean for it

but i dont care. all feelings i used to have no longer exist

as do the possibilities of there ever being an us
 

The Depths Of Me

I could break down and tell you exactly how you make me feel, what you do to me, and how I wish things could be.But apart of me won't let me fall, won't let me put myself in a situation that I can't get myself out of, won't let me expose all the things I feel you already see; the depths of me.

I lay awake almost every night with thoughts of the past & present with different versions of the future & somehow you tend to appear in each one.Although I want more than you can possibly give me right now, I'm willing to settle (something I normally would never consider) willing to settle just being in your life as a close friend, distant associate even.

I've avoided writing these feelings, thoughts and emotions for sometime because writing them would mean that they're true. That I've let myself get to a place I've been running from. A place that I can't on the worst day pull myself away from.

But since I'm here might as well continue falling. I know there's a difference between love and being in love & I know for certain I'm not in love, but I catch myself from time to time thinking and saying "I love you" "I love this woman". Those wonderful, smiling ear to ear, so beautiful I wish I could record & play back whenever times get tough moments. The times where I wish I could be right next to you.

I'm unsure what my next move is, I've battled myself (my heart & mind) several times about just letting go & moving on or staying grounded and holding on. I suppose I could make this decision if I knew what was really going on. If I go by what you've been telling me then forever ill remain, but if I go by what I've been seeing lately then never will I come back again.

I want to say its my own fault, I got myself here. I should get myself out. What does it mean if you know you're drowning & you have what's necessary to save yourself, but you rather drown?

Pretending

as i lay in bed my mind starts to wander and i began to cry
how long am i supposed to pretend as if everythings alright
i cant be the strong person everyones used to seeing
the person people turn to when their down and out
who do i talk to, whose going to resue me
i feel as if everything around me is crashing
and instead of moving out the way i just stand there
hoping that God grants me the pleasure of meeting him
im tired of feeling pain i want to be loved again
i want that comfront of knowning that i wont be judge
that someone cares enough to think of me first
but what am i thinking that could never be
cause people only think of themselves
so i put on my face and go back to pretending

 
-asshole

Body, Mind, Emotions and Soul

i suppose you think of me as just a pretty face
or mayb just someone with a lovely body.
im more then my physical features.
i have a mind i have soul i have emotions
in which you should attempt to take time to acknowledge.
although compliments of my smile and slanted eyes
are nice and greatly appreciated
i rather you tell me how my mental drives you crazy
how the beauty in my soul glows
how my words makes you insane and how
the thought of the depths of me has you searching for me
if you can have a full conversation with me
without even mentioning my curvaceous body
or the numerous of sexual things you would do to me
then youre chances with me would sky rocket
into the atmosphere passing planets and stars
in the galaxy is where we'll let our beings flow freely
and then thats whn you can get to me physically.



-asshole

Play .. Fast Forward .. Rewind .... Stop

opening credits of past relationships.
Starring You and Featuring Me

[Play]
i see you in the crowd and a smile comes across my face
trying to compose myself as my heart starts to beat fastyou greet me with a smile and a hug, my heart sanks,
the butterflies in my stomach start to flutter
we converse and acted as if we dont rather be alone somewhere else.
[Fast Forward]
kissing you as you pin me against the wall
wrapping my legs around you, you pick me up and carry me to the bed
placing me down i began to undress myself than you
pressing my warm lips against your cold body
[Rewind]
laughing at dinner with friends, timidly looking at each other
hoping no one notices that we're having this moment
sercetly texting each other sweet things
snapping back into conversations as if we've never left
[FastForward]
waking up to the sun rays on my face
rolling over and realizing youre laying next to me
smiling from the flashbacks of the night before
moving towards you slightly waking you
you smurk and put your arms around me
[Stop]
is this just a movie or our reality
have i exchanged the characters with you and me
or is this really what our life could be
whether a movie or reality
im longing to see how it ends.


-asshole

Love, No Like Letter

i could say i love you bt most dont know what it means and although ive can say ive truely experienced it
i can also say its nothing to play with.
bt i can say i like you with no doubt
something not only myself but others around us see
fighting these feelings because..well i got to make sure you like me too
and now that i see that you do. i want to stay here for awhile
rewind and fast forward our likings til we possibly cant like anymore
then even after still play around with the liking factor
cause again love isnt something to take lightly
and well that the last thing i want to do with you
not saying i dont want to love you cause who knows maybe one day
but not today. tomorrw or many tomorrows after
i like our playful manner, our ability to know our roles in each others life
and be around for that purpose.
i just want to stay in liking yu forever
this is my Love, no this is my Like Letter.

-asshole

I Like

i Like
..that you make me smile
..that i want to go against all odds
..being near you
..hearing you laugh
..seeing that you care
..being missed by you
..your jokingly possessive moments
..our secret codes and insiders
..how i receive most if not all your attention
..without asking you do the most
..even upset i cant go without talking to you
..when i hear your ringtone my heartbeat skips
..where this is going
..where we could end
..our love for music
..that we have so much in common
..our subliminal messages

i Like You
 
 
 
-asshole