i honestly love yu. this is the first time it was hard for me to say that.
especially knowing that all the other times. "BREAKING UP"
leading to this was BULLSHXT. knowing that this time is the last TIME.
im not sure how i feel. in the beginning i was angry then i just went numb.
its hard not to argue or fight with someone when you really care.
now im -dead- i have no feelings. wait.. im lying.
im feeling the most ive ever felt in my life. what do you do when it actually dawns on you.
that you truely love someone. thinkng about everythng you did wrng
she did wrng, the good times, the memories. remmbring things she said that now feel like lies.
"i cant live without you" "i dont want to be with no one but you"
etc etc.. i thnk im starting to feel that way. this is the worst time of all.
after all the yelling and screaming. the time you have to yourslf to reflect.
things ive shouldve done differently. things i shouldnt have said.
things i shouldnt have let go unseen. guess my pride took control of me.
why out of all the times in my life where my non-chanlant attitude has took the lead.
cant be put into effect now. why do i care so fxckn much.
and why am i just letting it go dwn that easily. i fight wth myself.
thinking should you try harder. this isnt want you want.
call her, message her, ANYTHING. whats stopping me from making those moves.
maybe its cause i think for her its really over. we've both said, did, and still doing things that
that we know we dont mean.. but not sure if she feels the same.
playing the cds she made for me. just making things worse for me.
now that i like abt it.. i dont think its pride at all. i thnk im SCARED of rejection.
im realizing that once you really love someone it isnt about you anymore.
its all about them. you'll do whatever for them. even change you. become someone else.
im sure im going to regret this. but is there anything i can do now?
i dont know if this is even making sense.. i feel like im talking in circles.
-IS IT REALLY OVER?!